Oilstick TWISTED BUT TRUE LIFE LESSONS                                     
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 These came in by email this morning - thought's for the days ahead.. and behind. E
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it.  
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to
buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously.
Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians --
the quick and the dead.
Life is
sexually transmitted.
An unbreakable toy is useful for
breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then
who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the
slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave
is the depth.
Get the last word in:
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days
no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?
Whenever I feel blue,
I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.  
I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,
but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years.  
Now, compare that to Blockbuster: You are two days late with a video and those people are all over you!  
Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration!